Stephanie Says… Rules of Dating
I have been I a serious relationship for the past five years and my friends are always asking me for advice. I have friends who are serial daters, friends who are too shy, friends that have never been on dates and they all ask me for advice. I figured I would write a post about it! I am going to talk about online dating, general rules of dating and my thoughts on how to land your man. Most of the rules do intertwine.
A couple of years ago people would think this as taboo but now not so much…online dating. Everyone is so busy these days and it is so hard to get to know people at a bar. People are half in the bag, it’s loud so you are screaming in the other person’s ear, and half the time the guy just wants a hook up. Online dating has become acceptable in our society and I personally think people should try it and not be ashamed. I think you get to know a person behind closed doors. So here is my advice for online dating.
- Your online profile- do not boast or be self-deprecating. Be funny, but brief and not too cheesy. A photo that shows you actively pursing an interest is good because it offers information without being too wordy. Remember, guys can be lazy sometimes. They want quick, easy and simple.
- Be Picky- when you are looking at different profiles this is your time when you are allowed to be picky. Honestly, who wants to settle?? This is your time, play by your rules. Take the time to pick out three or four suitors and contact them. When you contact someone, refer to a remark they made in their profile. If someone contacts you and your not feeling it, you are not obligated to respond. Be Picky.
- Communication Exchange- after a few messages on the dating website, suggest exchanging email addresses so getting to know each other can reach a little more personal level. Limit your emails to no more than two or three before suggesting a face-to-face meeting. Anyone who wants to prolong emailing is not interested in a relationship. If they like anonymity avoid them like Ebola because I am sure they have something to hide. You don’t want to waste your time.
- Meeting- I know this is common sense but sometimes I wonder about my friends and their actions. If you are finally meeting someone arrange a coffee or drink at a convenient location. If you are nervous and want back up, invite a friend. Tell your friend to channel their inner James Bond. Explain to the hostess the situation and ask to be in a bird’s eye view of what is going on. Most places will accommodate.
- Pay attention to the conversation- is the conversation balanced? Are you taking over? Is he? Are you finding common interests? Few things I would avoid: his/your problems, advice seeking, religion, politics, racial comments, using the work “like” a lot, bringing up other guys (even if they are just friends) or past boyfriends, and sexual talk. Keep the conversation upbeat.
- Have plans after the first date (regardless of how the date is going)- If coffee/drinks is not going so well, you will have a good escape route. If you are having a good time and don’t want to leave, still stick with your plans. If you are interested, say so explicitly upon leaving. It may sound too forward, but there is nothing wrong about being clear. Plus, it will keep him wanting more.
- Who should text who first- If you asked me this question 10 years ago, I would tell you to wait until the boy contacts you. Things have changed. The waiting for him to text you first or the “3 day rule” is OUT. If you feel there is a connection, most guys don’t mind hearing from the girl first. It makes them feel wanted. Who doesn’t like to feel wanted? But as always there is a catch to this…. Do not smother/ be clingy. You can send a cute text thanking him for a nice night out or that you was thinking about him. If he does not respond, move on…. Their loss!!
Ok onto general rules about dating!
- Sex- Ladies, your body is scared temple; do not let every man in. If you do, what is so special about it? I personally think you should not sleep with a guy on the first date, or the second, or even the third, fourth, fifth. If you do, all the mystery is gone. You are an open book at this point and open books usually get shut closed. You want to leave them guessing, fantasizing and growing the anticipation. Wait until you have the “boyfriend/girlfriend, are we monogamous?” conversation. Even if you have gone on a few dates never assume he is just dating you.
- Accepting last minute plans- people are extremely busy nowadays. Do not be offended if a guy offers to take you out later that day. He probably realized he has some extra time and wants to spend it with you. Take it as a compliment.
- Keep busy and feel important- dates are nerve-racking so keep yourself busy before the date so there is no over thinking! Just be busy all the time. Busy people are important. You want to be important because he will think you are important. Even if you are not busy, pretend like you are (that is not lying.)
- Never explain yourself- when it comes to dating never explain yourself. If you are not into a guy and want to end things, then end them. It won’t be the end of the world. Do not waste your time. Stop wasting your time with frogs when your prince is out there. If a guy asks you out and if you do not want to go or actually have plans simply say “I have plans, what about next week?”.
- Girls can go up to guys- some girls might disagree with me on this but I feel like girls are allowed to go up to guys. What do guys like in woman (besides the physical stuff?) Confidence. Lets think about it… Imagine being at a bar or club and you see some guys having a “boys night” and you, a beautiful girl walks up to the hottie of your choosing and show him you are interested and not the other guys, that is such an ego boost for him and also shows him you are confident and determined.
Like I said before these are my personal beliefs, everything above is advice I would tell my closest friends so take everything with a grain of salt. Dating is fun! Just go with the flow and always be honest and yourself.
As always, thank you for reading Stephanie Says.
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